(And, as a more coherent touch of concrit, these two lines "Rachel was a bittersweet memory of the past. / The bond to Gordon was totally different. Born out of necessity and danger. Born out of trust and loyalty." seemed rather unnecessary; in fact, they rather broke the flow of the writing for me. Mentioning Rachel jarred me right out of the story. I think it could work better without them, because, though there is a time for introspection, I don't think that was it.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-03-07 04:33 pm (UTC)<--- like this.
(And, as a more coherent touch of concrit, these two lines "Rachel was a bittersweet memory of the past. / The bond to Gordon was totally different. Born out of necessity and danger. Born out of trust and loyalty." seemed rather unnecessary; in fact, they rather broke the flow of the writing for me. Mentioning Rachel jarred me right out of the story. I think it could work better without them, because, though there is a time for introspection, I don't think that was it.
BUT STILL. ICON. UNF.